the chocolate puma

morning ritual: Daring Greatly and french-pressed cup of Guatemalan coffee beans from Sight Glass.

the V word: VULNERABILITY.

“we cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed, and rare.”  -Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

i have been learning a lot about vulnerability over the past few weeks. i am currently reading the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. many of you might know her from the ted talk she gave a couple years ago called, “The Power of Vulnerability”. this is where i first learned about her and am now in the process of reading her books. Daring Greatly is her most recent book and it is about how the courage to be vulnerable can transform the way we live, love parent and lead.

each morning, along with a fresh-pressed cup of coffee, i have been reading this book. while i understood the correlation between shame and vulnerability, i found myself thinking that while i am vulnerable a lot in my life, i don’t really feel shame within myself. i could not have been more wrong! within the same day of having that thought, i later was caught up in the middle of feeling shame, fear, grief and “never enough” for a past relationship in my life. once again, i was in awe of the powers that we have within us to allow ourselves to have these feelings. then, to accept them, love them and release them. the moment i let go and let myself feel these intense thoughts, i immediately felt a tremendous weight leaving me. i had transformed those feelings of shame and worthlessness into love, compassion and kindness towards myself. these are the three feelings that i have been holding as my intention for this year.

i have always felt pride for myself in the light that i am vulnerable. but, we can always go further and push more through the vulnerability stream. although, there is a fine line of being vulnerable and sharing too much, too soon with another person. (this is discussed in-depth in the book.) i have been in both places. of letting it all out too soon and also not opening enough because of the fear and shame that i held inside. but, in the end, i always believe in LOVE. and, in my opinion, loving is by far the most vulnerable act that humans can express.

i came up with a list of how my life has transformed because i had the courage to be vulnerable:

* i always wore boys tennis shoes when i was a kid even though i got picked on for it.
* i was the only female percussionist in grade school.
* i became a vegetarian at age 13 while growing up in a small town in Ohio.
* i was one of the biggest Spice Girls fans. ever. and told everyone how much i loved them.
* i came out to my parents and everyone i knew, when i was 21.
* i tell people “i love you” even if i know they are not ready to say it in return.
* i lived alone for a year.
* i moved from ohio to san francisco without a plan or idea as to what i would do with my life.
* i have dreadlocks, tattoos and piercings.
* i’ve been fired from 3 jobs and have learned a lot from those experiences.
* i moved to a small town, not knowing anyone but had to follow my heart.
* i started doing crossfit before anyone knew what it was and would cry during workouts because it brought up so much emotions for me.
* i gave my heart to lovers. received loved and have felt the heartbreak that comes with the joy.
* i traveled through Ecuador for two weeks on a solo trip.
* i started to meditate.
* i read self help books.
* i started this blog.
* i went back to school.
* i ask friends and family for help when i am in need.
* i let more people into my life even if that means i may loose them later.
* i am creating my own health coaching practice.
* i let myself cry. when i am alone or around loved ones.
* i let myself be me.

i have developed more love, compassion and kindness to myself over the years because of these moments of vulnerability. i challenge you to do this exercise as well. think back through your life at moments you displayed vulnerability. write them down in a journal and maybe share them with your partner, best friend or pet. this is a powerful exercise and will fill you with even more courage to continue on your journey in life. we all have a story to tell and we all have a unique purpose to share who we are with others. keep the connection flowing and the love alive!