spiral inside soul tornado.
-painting by hlg
i could give every excuse possible as to why i haven’t written on my blog in months. so, i will:
- the honeymoon with it ended. the excitement faded and it just felt like i was writing words and not expelling emotions.
- i started a full-time position with Rise Bar as their NorCal Sales Manager. FULL-TIME.
- i am also in school at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, studying to become a Certified Health Coach.
- i am focused on balancing & nourishing my long-distance relation because it means more to me than anything else in my life. (besides myself, of course!)
- i was traveling a lot for pleasure and now i travel a lot for work.
- i was spending too much time thinking and not enough time processing my thoughts through writing.
- i started writing for Breaking Muscle, too.
- i partnered up with Chocolatl to brand my own raw chocolate, “Chocolatl Puma Bites”.
- i began to meditate everyday.
- i would much rather be playing outside with the longer days than sitting at the computer any longer than i already do for work.
- i started spending more time on my spiritual practice.
but, really. there are no excuses.
because we make time for the things that are the most important and, i guess, it just became less important for me. i lost interest and i lost my passion. i have felt the passion for certain areas of my life fading over the past months with the focus on just trying to make a living for myself and to feel secure in the unknown. but, being comfortable with the unknown is what we all should be striving to achieve.
i recently read the book “Comfortable with Uncertainty” 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion by Pema Chodron. yeah. i’ve been dealing with a lot of fear in my life. internally, there is a battle going on and at times it is so fierce that i want to explode. but, i hardly let this side of me show, except with a few close loved ones or behind closed doors. this book presented itself to me at the perfect time. books have a way of doing that. it was in perfect unison with the beginning of my meditation practice. reading her simple words brought much comfort to my soul. we are all good at masking what is going on inside for us. some use food as a tool to look past their feelings, others may exercise themselves to exhaustion, or turn to alcohol, cigarettes or excessive caffeine consumption. i have done all of this at times but i want to move past it and turn my fear into action: LOVE. i would like to share an excerpt from chapter 92, Abiding in the Fearless State:
“…To the extent that we stop struggling against uncertainty and ambiguity, to the extent we dissolve fear. Total fearlessness is full enlightenment – wholehearted, open-minded interaction with our world. Meanwhile we train in patiently moving in that direction. By learning to relax with groundlessness, we gradually connect with the mind that knows no fear.”
so, the real reason i haven’t written in months is that four-letter word. i let fear get in the way and thought what i had to say was not important enough. good enough. that it wouldn’t make an impact on anyone. and, who would want to read my thoughts, feelings, ideas, beliefs? well. YOU DO. and i want to continue with it. i do have a passion for life and i want to share my knowledge and gifts with others. i have decided that i will dedicate my time and energy to at least three posts a month that will vary between educational, spiritual, life-learning lessons and recipes, reviews and workout ideas. anything could happen and with the growing presence of bloggers, writers and columnist on the internet, who’s to say that i won’t make am impact on the world?
in regards the long-awaited announcement of President Obama backing gay marriage, i want to leave you with one of my favorite songs by Vanessa Carlton, that was written to express that we are all equal and that everyone’s love matters. enjoy!